- cross-posted to:
- [email protected]
- cross-posted to:
- [email protected]
cross-posted from: https://lemmy.zip/post/28090390
cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ca/post/35018512
Far more than c/mildlyinfuriating
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Not just download the app, but sign up for an account (and the newsletter in the process).
Then grant permissions to your phone:
- camera (so it can watch you poop and train + analyze the footage with AI)
- microphone (so it can hear and analyze if your plops are optimal)
- contacts (to send out an invitation to all your contacts, along with a clip of your last poop sesh)
- photos and videos (to upload, store, and analyze your life since birth, along with everyone else who’s in your pictures)
- sensors (to see how you’re holding the phone, when, how much, how hard, etc.)
- notifications (to sell you the premium plan)
- location (for pinpoint accuracy of your 💩 locations)
- call logs (to see who you’re communicating with before, during, and after you drop your log)
- nearby devices (for accuracy and to silently communicate with nearby devices)
- calendar (for full history and to schedule your next mondo duke)
Now we’re talking proper dystopia!
Don’t forget all the health and biometric data, last used app, and Facebook access
What happens when the company goes out of business? You no longer can flush?
Precisely
As long as they can convince their shareholders this will eventually make money and you buy into their eventual $30/flush subscription they won’t have to go out of business
I laughed a lot when I saw this and I sent it to my parent who laughed too. This is my parents house right now. They want buttons for their lamps but they were forced to get an app for most of them and had to fight the company to put in buttons. They also got a ventilation system without buttons and they could not get buttons except if they payed for a very expensive hub, so they went for the app. But only one person can be connected at a time and you have to unpair before someone else can pair, so the app act as if it is the hub… it is very strange
Set up Home Assistant on a Pi or something for them. It can likely control everything from a central app
My parents had a house built a couple of years ago and it’s the same with them. It’s real hard for me to say “I told you so” like every time I go over there and see them fighting with some app bullshit on one of their appliances. It pisses me off so much because there was nothing wrong with their old house and now I’m going to be stuck inheriting the new one that’s worse in every way. Probably right around the time all the cut corners in the construction start coming out as the place falls apart.
I’d love to inherit a house even if it had no appliances and was falling apart…
Yeah I know I’m fortunate and this is pretty much the only route to home ownership for me it’s just frustrating to think about what could have been and what’s waiting in the future.
it’s just frustrating to think about what could have been and what’s waiting in the future.
Modern existence in a nutshell.
Funnily enough, my toilet has it’s own app.(“Japanese style” shower toilet by a German company)
It’s non-cloud, Bluetooth only, all functions work without it,but it tells you when preventative maintenance is due and enables you to configure the user profiles easier.
So there’s that.
Wouldn’t have bought it otherwise.
yeah I have the toilet from this photograph, it’s really frustrating. good post OP, it’s definitely relevant to the community
I believe it is making light of the fact that this is the direction we are heading in as a society. See the recent ford patent that listens to you while you are driving to serve ads over your stereo, the $800 child’s toy that will now be nothing but e-waste, BMW having you “subscribe” to your heated seats, or a more relavent to this conic example, the thousands if not millions of new “smart” devices that now require an app to perform functions that older technology could perform without needing a smartphone.
Funny how this is supposed to be absurd - upside down duck, cake, “bizarro” and all - but it’s actually pretty accurate. So many products out there that require you to download their shitty spyware in order to do the things they are supposed to do.
If you buy garbage products you get garbage products. That’s on you.
Yep. Until you can’t find non-garbage products anymore because 95% of everyone else is dumb enough to fall for it.
I think there’s a reasonable case to be made against buyer beware here, we need to ban this shit.
I was just making this point with a laissez faire capitalism coworker. Bro just cannot understand the invisible hand is very often wrong.
That’s funny to hear. I’d actually say this kind of thing that happens with electronics is unusual, and people do know what’s in their own best interest the vast majority of the time. Dunno if that puts me in the picture or not.
and people do know what’s in their own best interest the vast majority of the time.
Is that true if the vast majority of people are either uninformed or apathetic?
Magical boxes aside, people understand and pay attention to things that are of direct personal interest to them. Transit schedules, typical prices of things in their area and so on. Which garbage bins to check if you’re really poor, how to avoid taxes if you’re really rich.
So, I guess it wouldn’t be, but people actually aren’t stupid or apathetic (about their own life) in general.
For example, try buying a television in a retail store that doesn’t have “smart” features at all, just inputs, outputs, and a digital tuner.
I wish. I really do. I want it so badly. My TV upgrades over the past 4 years have all been thrift store finds because I refuse to be forced to buy a device that WILL be obsolete one day.
You can buy display panels, and Sceptre TVs still have non-smart options.
Wow this is amazing! Thanks for sharing
From what I’ve heard, the move is to substitute in a monitor.
but 30"+ monitors are extremely expensive :(
That’s what you get for not paying by watchind ads
Find me a new car in 2024 that doesnt store every GPS coordinate you’ve driven at for eternity. Genuinely, I’d like to see the non-garbage option because my '04 is getting old.
If I buy a new car, I’m going to have to figure out how to lobotomise it. At the very least, you should be able to mess up or cage any transmitters.
I have no idea if that’s possible without taking the whole thing apart, though.
As far as I am aware, most of them aren’t directly transmitting data back to the manufacturer, but the data is stored on the car so if you ever have it worked on the dealership can just pull that shit without consent. I could be wrong though, maybe there are cars now that are doing that. I do know that a a lot of cars are taking the iPhone route of having “encrypted” parts, where if one is missing or replaced, the car just won’t work.
Just 9.99 per month
Until the company shuts down its servers and your toilet stops working.
And it goes down mid-use, and the toilet has tamper-proofing that stops you from emptying it any other way “for security”.
And then you “unfortunately” have to buy the newer version for just a couple of bucks more
Unrecognized toilet paper roll detected. Please make sure to only use authentic rolls.
And that’d be “only” a toilet. People out there euphorically buying cars like that.
Most people are idiots. You cannot change my mind.
For the basic plan, based on usage though it looks like you’d save more with our premium tier that allows unlimited flushes per day and includes our smellfesh scent subscription.
The Japanese have already perfected smart toilets. There is no app, but there are loads of buttons, including for a heated seat and some music or ambient sounds to help you relax and disguise unpleasant noises.
What about a little fountain spritz of lit up water like in that one Simpsons episode?
Those would be clogged up in a few days. And I’m not even talking about shit, but limescale buildup. We have super hard water here.
And fireworks for celebratory pooping.
The disparity in toilets in that country is insane. You have ones with full remote controls on the seat in some places then others that are squat holes that flush
But don’t you see the benefit - the data on your flushes helps our Trusted† FlushMe Partners ® provide more relevant service to you, and also helps us partially offset the cost of our running our flush servers, allowing us to provide service to you for only $29.99 monthly††!
†: All FlushMe partners have undergone creditworthiness checks. ††: Limited time one month introductory offer. FlushMe may, but is not required to, provide you with a personalised monthly price for renewal of the service.
“FlushMe: Have You Shat Today!?”
Don’t worry. I’m on a streak. If I keep it going for 30 days I will unlock the flushing feature without having to pay for premium.
too many household appliances need an app
Android has this feature of “Work Profile” that allows you to put these shitty apps in a separate profile so they can’t accept any of your data. I mean it’d be better if we don’t have distopian apps to begin with, but here we are…
(I used an app called “Shelter” that sets up a “work profile” and put apps in there and the apps can’t access my photos contacts, or anything basically)
There’s also Insular which lets you clone apps and run them in an isolated sandbox. It’s open source and available in F-Droid.
Correct! I use it whenever I am forced to install some apps. I always loved the android architechture
Free trial exhausted. Subscribe now to keep using server infrastructure. After all, all you bought was the toilet, you can’t expect the server space for free.
Enshitification intensifies.
Triple Flush Achievement Unlocked! Share with your friends?
Shares with all of your contacts by default. Also includes a sales pitch to each of them to sign up as well
