Aliens be judging your kinks and fetishes… 👀
I mean other humans already do this. Satellites are staring at you 24/7, even when youre inside they can theoretically track you with infrared/disruptions to the wifi signal or other epectromagnetic signals, or even using sound waves. I doubt they have the processing power yet to watch everyone all the time but its a safe bet that there are certain humans under constant surveillance by somebody.
Joke’s on them, that’s my kink.
The animals know there is a weird device there, they just sniff at it and keep going. Humans would probably investigate weird out of place things, especially in cities and more dense areas.
So aliens are watching me jerk off to femdom? Good, I want them to see.
the aliens judging the alien porn I watch:
That’s what the feds say. Always pretending they’re aliens.
By extension, ufo and alien abduction stories may be likened to animals trying to get others to believe they saw a tree flash a brilliant light late at night.
It’s called Dark Matter. C’mon, what’s more likely, 85% of the universe is completely unobservable by chance? Or by design?
Any post-scarcity civilization that advances past Prime Directive territory just quantum-shifts half a dimension to the left so they can all hang out together without bothering anyone else.
Aliens don’t judge you, though. No judgemental species can collaborate long enough to go Dark, you either evolve past those primitive instincts or self-destruct.
Which is probably why they haven’t tried to make contact. “Oh look! It’s a planet full of fundamentalist chimps with nuclear weapons” “should we pop over and say hi?” “Nah, fuck that noise!”
Yes, we are. Please stop masturbating. Thanks.
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Well I’ll be darned
“👇”
Come down here and probe my anus, then, you gray cowards!
I mean, you can keep doing it if you want to, some of uh, them, might not mind it so much.
Exactly. If humans can have an extremely diverse range of kinks and fetishes, just imagine the kinds that advanced civilizations might have.
Keep talking…
I’m always open to new ideas
42 gallon jar of baconaise, magic the gathering common cards, and a box of matches!
I don’t think I need to go on.
This again? They said NEW ideas!
You never fucked unless you fucked while teleporting.
Every thrust a new view to admire.
You know what they say about that: When you fuck during teleportation, you never fuck the same person twice!
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Please stop masturbating
Abso-fucking-lutely not
No.
I’ll stop jacking it if you stop watching me, untill then imma be out there doing it San Diego style.
Baby, tech companies are doing all that right now.
Except we’ve given them blanket permission
The government and corporations can do that too
Bold of you to assume I’m unaware
This is a topic in the 3 body problem series of books. The aliens have photons (?) that spy on everything the humans do so the humans have no way of planning against their attack without them knowing. The humans assign a few people to make plans with no oversight and without telling anyone else their plan.
Highly recommend the books.photons (?)
Sophon
That’s the one, and the humans making plans were called wallfacers.
Sorry I wasn’t sober when writing that comment last night.
judging
So when the hell do we find out the results from the judging? What can we win?
“Congratulations human! You’ve won the ‘most depraved’ award! You’ve been deemed not worth enslaving, instead you’ll be rewarded with a swift and painless death!”
Or maybe aliens just don’t care. We may not be that special.
Occasionally you do observe the woodpeckers in your backyard, but ignore the crows in the forest. Maybe there’s an ornithologist who cares about those crows, but most of us just can’t be bothered.
