Exposing your junk while on school grounds gets you on a sex offender registry, yes? So… what’s happening with that?

So uh, how much cannabis? Asking for a fisherman.

Supreme Court: “One of us! One of us!”

Dear Netanyahu,

I hope you like sloppy seconds. Putin was already there, and I’m not sure Trump rinsed his mouth.

I bet it had two check boxes at the bottom, like a 6th grade note passed around the class: “Do you like me? [ ] yes [ ] no”

I’ve seen a lot of these dumbass headlines recently, with double- and triple- and quadruple-negatives instead of clear, concise terms. They’re all like, “Appeals court rules against judge who declined to block restriction imposed by lower court on disabling injunction on tariffs…”.

Hint to newsies: If I have to diagram your damned headline to see if it’s “Yes” or “No”, rewrite it.

When did he pause?

So where do we go to get bit? For Uncle Ben.

If you don’t want the SS coming after you for “threatening the president”, make it “23-skidoo47”.

I would think that if an FBI director wanted a person dead, you’d be hearing about how he did it, rather than how he desired it.

Also, I once used seashells to write “69ME”, but nothing happened, to my disappointment.

I would think that if an FBI director wanted a person dead, you’d be hearing about how he did it, rather than how he desired it.

“suggested” they “may pursue”… wow. Did they fire six shots or only five? Y’know, in all that excitement, I kinda lost track myself.

That will be the safest plane in the sky. Where else are foreign governments going to find an imbecile as easily manipulated as Trump? They must keep him safe.

On the other hand, I hope they installed a spy cam in the bathrooms. Trump on a changing table while his aides tend his diapers would be hilarious.

If he were to attend, wouldn’t it be an “Intelligence + 1 guest” briefing?

The article stated that there were three shooters, and only two gunshot wounds. I seem to recall from the early '70s that firing squads of five people or so always secretly loaded one weapon with blanks. That way the shooters could all convince themselves that they were the one who had the blank if their conscience bothered them. Maybe these guys did the same thing but with only three shooters…

I think I’d rather she stay. We all wish there were an alternative, but historically third parties have not done well. Easier to get her in as the head of the thing and clean it up that way.

Or:

“Here, put this in your mouth”

“Whyszit tafte so fummy?”

" It’s a rectal thermometer"

So that’s not stubble on any of them. It’s diaper face.

And it’s not available 24/7 online… why? I’d love to see the click counter on that bad boy.

Edit: I thought this was the other interview. Okay, make 'em both available. The ad revenue alone will be tremendous.

Vance also states, “It hasn’t been 24 hours yet. I mean, the President is a busy guy. He only works on this a minute here, a minute there.” /s

Edit: forgot the /s