“My nephew has HDADD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.”

• Steven Wright

If Trump had seen them chop off Obama’s head at Riot Fest like I did, he would be celebrating them and feeding them Arby’s at the White House.

I went to one of those exactly once. If a doctor, vet, or dentist even gives me the slightest feeling that I’m being upsold rather than taken care of, I’m gone forever.

Amazing. I came here to say that my Sims shenanigans are 100% my biggest worry. Dropping a penguin off a cliff is one thing, but removing the ladders from a pool or walling off whichever of my sim’s many wives is causing the most issues in a room full of creepy pictures with no door is probably a bigger concern. High school me was very nice to others in the real world, but a goddamned sociopath in the digital world.