Damn, that’s dark, hope you’re doing better these days. I’ve been in a very similar place myself.
To anyone that’s reading this: it might feel impossible to break the cycle, but it’s not. If you make enough decisions that are better than the ones you made previously, no matter how small, they WILL aggregate.
Thank you, I am very happily sober. It was actually never my plan, I always wanted to achieve controlled drinking. I wanted to be that parent who can have a glass of wine on a date night. But I would be scared shitless that it would go out of control so I don’t feel like touching alcohol at all. And truth be told, I am too exhausted to deal with hangovers or that constant tiredness of being drunk right now.
Simply put, I am happy. I think I was drinking because the things I wanted out of life were so freaking far away. Now I got them all and there is no need to sabotage myself. Another part is that I was really excelling at a life that I hated, the Plan B life. And it was boring me to death, so I played it on difficult mode. Will they catch me? How far can I go? Like a stupid teenager.
What helped me, besides having something to work for, was that I didn’t want to become sober forever. I know this should be the goal but as a 20 something who really liked the taste this was a scary thought. I kept thinking of reduction and even now, being fully aware that I most likely won’t ever drink again, I set myself a goal to not drink until my kid is 12. That’s an easier goal to have ahead of me than never again. For anyone out there struggling with the classic approaches, maybe that’s something.
Damn, that’s dark, hope you’re doing better these days. I’ve been in a very similar place myself.
To anyone that’s reading this: it might feel impossible to break the cycle, but it’s not. If you make enough decisions that are better than the ones you made previously, no matter how small, they WILL aggregate.
Thank you, I am very happily sober. It was actually never my plan, I always wanted to achieve controlled drinking. I wanted to be that parent who can have a glass of wine on a date night. But I would be scared shitless that it would go out of control so I don’t feel like touching alcohol at all. And truth be told, I am too exhausted to deal with hangovers or that constant tiredness of being drunk right now.
Simply put, I am happy. I think I was drinking because the things I wanted out of life were so freaking far away. Now I got them all and there is no need to sabotage myself. Another part is that I was really excelling at a life that I hated, the Plan B life. And it was boring me to death, so I played it on difficult mode. Will they catch me? How far can I go? Like a stupid teenager.
What helped me, besides having something to work for, was that I didn’t want to become sober forever. I know this should be the goal but as a 20 something who really liked the taste this was a scary thought. I kept thinking of reduction and even now, being fully aware that I most likely won’t ever drink again, I set myself a goal to not drink until my kid is 12. That’s an easier goal to have ahead of me than never again. For anyone out there struggling with the classic approaches, maybe that’s something.